A Privileged Pain

April 13th 2011 9:51am..a new beginning..a new meaning to our life..our new form to our love...
Little did we expect that the day I completed my 36th week I would be asked to get admitted in the hospital quoting the reason that I had some infection which made the environment not so hostile for the growing foetus.Taken aback we called up
my parents and parents-in-laws informed them and got admitted post 12.00am as my dad is always finicky about Tuesdays.The doctor had instructed her team to help me undergo some fetal heart rate monitoring tests and to induce pain hoping for
the contractions to begin early so that I could deliver the next day without much delay. Contractions were much of an unexplained pain which I had to bear all night just to realize the next day that I had developed an allergy to the gel being used .After a couple of minutes decision was taken by the doctors to delivery my baby in C section and not induce pain for the next stage. My husband and I were asked to sign some papers while the nurses were busy getting me ready for the surgery while I was still wondering if all of this was a dream and if I could catch some sleep before the I got operated as I had not slept even a wink due to the contractions previous night. I tried my best to be as brave as possible and not to shed tears which would make my mom feel all the more weak but unfortunately I could not control myself as I was being put onto the stretcher and when saw my most loved ones around me. Though my husband was allowed inside the operation theater I still was so apprehensive about the whole ordeal that I just wanted it to get over as early as possible.As I was moved into the operation theater I noticed several male and female nurses all set and prepared to handle my delivery. My eyes kept wandering searching for my husband who was to be clad in the same uniform as that of the doctors and nurses present in the Operation Theater. The anesthesiologist realized my anxiety and informed me that my husband would be let in once I’m done with the prescribed dosage of the an anesthesia. I have heard several stories about how C sections are done but now when it was my turn I felt like I was only person in this world who is undergoing all this. The bed were I laid was raised and I was asked to sit with my legs resting on a chair, my eyes still hunting for my husband finally found him outside the glass door looking at me helplessly while the anesthesiologist drew some graphs on my back and finally injected the most miraculous drug into me.It was a terrible feeling that ran up and down my spine like a thousand sharp finger nails being rubbed against a blackboard. I was then asked to lie down and to raise my feet as and when requested by the anesthesiologist..Everytime he asked me to raise my feet I did so without much ado leaving me with a fear that I might undergo the same problem as that of my mother who was given very mild dosage of anesthesia during her C section which made her conscious during the middle of the surgery leading her to feel the pain of her uterus being cut open.Finally at one point of time I realized my lower body was totally numb and that I had totally no sensation. My husband was finally allowed inside who sat right beside my head holding my hands which was tied to monitor my heart rate and the other for some drips. A curtain was placed right in front of my neck as my gynecologist had begun to show the best of her skills. Though I could not see anything was what was happening I could kind of sense it from the way my husband would hold my hand .Everytime he noticed a gush of blood or a deeper cut being made on me he would hold my hand firmer and pat me on my head. At one point of time I felt like my upper body was being pushed towards my jaw and my entire body was jerked badly from left to right several times. In a few seconds from then outcame an outburst of loud cry of our new bundle of joy. I could not control my tears of happiness which flew down my eyes profusely which my husband kept wiping with one hand while his other hand was busy wiping his. I was so thrilled and excited at the biggest wonder of life which was in me for 36 weeks and was finally out as a new form to ourlove.I felt so proud so excited so overwhelmed to have become a mother and felt so privileged to be a Woman. As I was curious to know if it was a boy or a girl baby my husband was excited about the baby having lots of hair, finally the doctor came over to me and said congrats its a male baby..I was right as I was sure that it was a boy baby from my 5th month scan..While I was feeling drowsy my husband was asked to leave the operation theater and I was being cleaned and moved into the post operation ward.Finally when I was in my conscious I was in LRDP suite where I was surrounded with all my relatives congratulating me and my husband.Our son was being kept in the NICU for that entire day since he was 20+ days premature and underweight and my husband was the only person who was allowed to see him. Surprising even after the delivery I had contractions which added to the pain of the postpartum bleeding, surgery and the injection given on my spine. The only thing that alleviated my pain was the pictures and the videos of our baby taken by my husband everytime he went into see him at the NICU.
The next day as I walked to the NICU to nurse my baby I felt like I had just learnt how to walk and I walked like I was walking the first time. I had terrible pain around the area where the surgery was done and in addition to it felt so weak
as I was on a complete liquid diet the previous day and night.Finally when I saw our son and when I nursed him I felt it was worth all the pain that I had undergone during conception ,pre and post delivery.I was discharged from the hospital on
the 4th day and we carried our new bundle of joy to my parents-in laws place first and then came to my parents home.
All through my married life I always considered my husband to my first child,my best friend,my guide,my role model...but this entire ordeal of pregnancy,labour,surgery,delivery,post partum I realized that my husband is also my mother.The kind of help, support and deeds he did was something that only a mother would willing do for her child.
I feel so good to be a mother and to have 2 mothers in my life :)