The pleasure of Dependency

Hey how do we do this?Is this the right way to do it?Oh please wait Im not sure I need to ask X
before I start..Well all these are some of the questions which is sweet music to a person who has
created a dependency.This reminds me of one of my collegue in my former employer who never shared her knowledge..her theory was simple I had a tough time to learn & all that I have gained is purely from my hardwork & how could you acquire the same with zero effort.This is one way by which people create dependency.The other way is "spoon feeding" people think they are making ones life easy by teaching them letter by letter or word by word.Thirdly people are not ready to give up their crown & throne to the next generation..
In most of the companies one of the performance metric is to have created a dependency which
actually implies to what extent people can count on you for help..this exists as long as you are
part of the project/company.But if you decide to move out either from the project/company it is
purely your duty to complete a sound knowledge transfer so that the next person who will be
replacing you has no qualms.But the problem here occurs when people want to leave the dependency impressions of themselves.They feel very proud when their ex-collegues call them up or mail them asking for help.Sometimes inevitably inspite of having delivered a sound KT help is seeked which is acceptable as long as the person who delivers KT does his/her job with no intention of having to create a dependency.Unfortunately not many think this way..be it in a corporate world or domestically..people enjoy the feeling of having created a dependency.
A family is bond by values,emotions,culture & tradition.Emotional dependency is very much
acceptable since as humans we get emotionally insecure & weak many a times & all we look for is a helping hand and soothing words of comfort.But what about other dependencies which makes you handicap of certain vital skills.I recollect the saying which says "Practise makes a person perfect" but when you dont have an oppoutunity to even try where does practise comes,here
1)Your losing your skills
2)Your losing your confidence level on the domain
3)You feel it is tough
4)You no longer want to think about it
5)You lose interest
6)Finally you give it up

I also recollect a saying which says "Oppoutunity does not knock ones door". Yes I agree one needs to go out seeking for it.In a corporate world you could escalate this issue & probably a poor
performance in an evaluation done post the KT will itself show the quality of knowledge
transfer.But domestically it is different because here emotions comes into picture..and its not
like in the corporate world where your attributes are measured aganist numbers.One of my friend claims to be proud of the fact that her sister who is in US on a short visit calls her everyday just to memorise a receipe.She takes pride in having created the dependency
where her sister needs her help even if he has to make chapatis.Having known the fact that there will be situations in the future where she cant cook for her..she should have trained her on how to cook independently.Instead she cooked everyday & enjoyed the compliments of being called the best sister & cook & she was never satisfied with it.What she should have done or said is..Well my dear sister I have had enough compliments of being a good cook & I now resign from it & want you to pick up the skills from me so that you dont suffer in the future or blame me for having spoilt you.On questioning her as to why dint she teach her atleast some basics she said I would finish all the cooking much before she would even get up from her bed.When asked why she did that she said I wanted to finish up with all my cooking as early as possible & I didnt wanted to trouble anyone.I partially appreciate her for being considerate but now she has made her sister handicap in her culinery skills which is actually giving her a hard time.So inspite of being the best sister & cook she has failed in her duties.Fortunately she is an open-minded girl who accepted the fact that yes she did create a dependency & made up her mind that she would also teach her husband basics of cooking :)
I just hope people realise the fact that yes I have lived enough & earned enough pride for my
goodness in every aspect of my portfolio & now let me help others in earning the same.It is better if someone utilises the knowlegde than it being lying in dust after ones existence.Just imagine if all our teachers or lectures had the same idealogy ... if they had always spoon
fed us .. never let us code anything we would have been in soup by now...or imagine a lecturer
who asks you to code & much before you even decide on the logic he gives you a hardcopy of the
code & says see this is how you do it & worse if he intrudes when you type every single line &
says no no this not how you do it n this is how you do it...Im sure anyone would be like DAMNNN
you do the coding youself & rest in peace & probably you would also slam the door & walk out...As Im composing this ultra-long post I hear this guy in my neighbouring cubicle who is talking to his team member who is on a vacation asking her word by word, step by step of minute details of his work...I remember seeing her always spoon feeding him & she has never let him debug all by himself ever..Phewwwww!!!

Ive done it finally!!!

Ive done it finally!!!
Ever since I started driving to work with or without my husband beside me Im extermely cautious.I had never caused any bruise or dent to neither our car nor anybody elses except one incident where I almost touched my neighbour's car but nothing really really happened and my car stood just about 1mm from the neighbour's car...Anyway it was just another day of me taking the car out of the portico & park it right in frount of the gate & say "Sanju lets go its already 9.30 I have to be at 10 for my meeting" Ohh yeah Sanju is now slack on time..didnt know the my laziness can be so contagious..or may be is it that he does most the work for me & it gets late for him eventually....so now back to what happened that day..As usual I did my prayer before starting the car ,drove out of the portico but but but but God knows what made me think for a fraction of second that I took a complete right turn assuming I would be able to park it in an even better position.. .. result my car slightly touched the right side of the compound wall & leaving a long neat bruise...:( :(It doesnt look very evident though but yeahh noticeble & may be even the others too could notice it if they look with more intensity... My poor cute MIL was pacifying me saying all this is very common & there was nothing for me to feel bad..while my husband smiled at me & said there you go my child you've done it finally...This sentence of his took me to back to a week ago when my husband hit our Indigo Grand aganist the left side of our compound wall , not only causing a dent but also breaking the corners of the wall..About 2 days earlier than this incident of my husband's, my FIL got a bruise on the same Indigo Grand while driving very close to the road divider...I then told my husband "You drive for more than 15 years & your dad for more than 30 years & you guys still come back home with some dent in the car unlike me" .. I realised I casted eyes on my ownself :p ....And while I drove to work my husband said "Yeah we all make mistakes in judgement but that doesnt mean we are bad drivers"...hehe my husband now includes me in the list of good drivers after casuing a damage to the car...btw he rated me 8/10 for today's driving :)

The actual ME!!

As I was drving to work this morning with my husband beside me.He asked me this question "How would you like it if we settle in US or be there for a while?" I said well in terms of savings not much as we are able to do the same here may be a lil more or less.But true it would be great to live in a place where the quality of life is good,traffic & lane discipline is awesome & ya if we plan to have kids in the near future we might as well make life easy for them if they want to pursue their higher studies in US.His next question was..how would you take it having to manage the house all by yourself ,prepare breakfast,lunch, dinner ofcourse yaa with my help? I answered saying well it will be a learning curve for me & I would learn from my mistakes & mature eventually..he smiled to this & I knew he was reminded of how he struggles to get me out of the bed every morning..He finally asked this question to which I pretended to give a smart answer but latter emotions gave me a jolt eventually..How would you take it not being able to see yours & my parents ? I replied "Well we have to move on with life as we grow & yeah if the need be it we have to adapt" ..I thought my husband was impressed with how I looked at life & at things practically...I knew what I had answered was not from my heart...there was silence for a while & then he said "Do you remember the night in our honeymoon,you cried because you missed your parents..do you remember the day when my mother had been out of station & you hugged me & cried saying that your missing your mil" I was rendered speechless now ....I still remember my husabnd tried every possible way to keep me comfortable & happy in our honeymoon to switzerland ,he never refused anything I wanted to buy or to eat or he actually never said "NO" to anything..we were in the best place on the earth ,no work,no tension,no deadlines no nothing but I missed my parents..& I just couldnt stop crying though San tried all possible way to console me.I felt better only after I called home & spoke to my parents. I also remember this day when my MIL was leaving to Kancheepuram for about 4 days & we hugged each other before she left & we said miss you to each other & I cried as I walked into the house feeling a huge vaccum.I missed the glass of milk that she would keep for me every morning & night. I missed our conversations after work. I missed everything about her. I realised how emotionally dependent I was on my loved ones. It really made me weak....We reached my office by then as all those days just flashed across my eyes making it damp.I then turned to my husband as I stopped the car & told him "I hope you wont let me go through the same bad days again,will you?!!" for which he smiled as I moved out & he said bye, take care ,have a good day ,I love you & moved to the driver's seat.. leaving me repeat my everyday dialogue..call me when you reach office,drive slowly,love you too...

Caught between strings

Its close to my sleeping hours..I finally got sometime to peek into the outside world other than CDRs' & xml files & Oracle & Unix phewwww.San is on a conf call & Im waiting to tell him a bed-time story ;) comeone people..Im talking about my rants huh!!
2 more days left to go & we both are going to miss each other :( San has already started off with his tantrums like a child...Im stuck between 2 most important loved ones of my life. We would need to turn back time & replay our history.May be our cellphone bills would now increase.May be I would find San standing in frount of my house at 11.30pm as he did once giving me a surprise while we were still conversing over the phone & I walked to the balcony of my room assuming he lied that he was near my home...May be we might sit up all night chatting...May be we would meet at office during lunch..or may be we would pretend like we are going to work ,bunk office & freak out the entire day not knowing what to do...
2 more days to go & I need to pack my stuff to my mom's place ..damn Addi Maasam!!

Life as it appears

Life is all full of unplanned surprises.We hope for certain things to happen our way but when reality hits us its very different.I have been married for the past 8 months now.Im quite sure that situations and circumstances would affect even the most practical of dreams but then again I have never been a practical person.As any other girl I dreamt of marrying a person who would help me to cook,clean the house,arrange my wardrobe,put clothes in the washing machine,encourage me to drive,give me a good morning kiss & hug ,a good night kiss & hug... , a shoulder for me to rest ,someone who can read my face & understand whats running on my mind,someone who can correct me when Im wrong without humiliating,who is humourous,organised & planned .....
I thought marriage was about spending hours chatting & talking or not,but being bound together by invisible strings of our love entwined to make us one.I thought it was about every call to each other ending with "I Love you" & "I Love you too".I thought marriage meant that every moment of our life we would spend together-if not physically but emotionally , so that even when far apart we could sense each other close by...
And luckily it has been much more than that...
Yesterday San & I spent the day at home.Not doing anything interesting in particular but just relaxing.After sleeping in until almost the middle of the day we had our brunch & it was fun as we dried the clothes out of the washing machine.Sometime around evening we decided to cook. An omlette burger to be precise.And while it was not the hardest of the things to make it was a lot of fun as we tried to overfeed each other ;) I recollect this incident when San was multitasking in preparing chapatis for lunch & dosa for breakfast while I returned from my bath just to see myself fall in love with him again...This also reminds me of the nights while I pretend to sleep when he is busy with work & enjoy his warm kiss & gentle hug while he slips himself slowly under the quilt Im in ,as he hopes that he doesnt disturb me hehehehe!!.We do steal a lot of moments while my inlaws are away from our visibilty & land up giving a sheepish look when they appear from no where..its all fun!!!
I remember this incident where San was sitting in the hall talking to some relatives & I was in the next room where no one could see me nor could I see them but for San.I kept passing flying kisses to San everytime he looked into the room for me which was like once every 2 seconds & he was trying every possible way to control himself..little did i expect to see my mil right behind me..my husband noticed that & continued to smile as he nodded to the conversation leaving me feel embarassed to the core as my mil walked by smiling at me...
It happens everytime over dinner while San & I keep winking at each other assuming no one notices us & when my FIL pop-up with some question we look at him with a stupid smile..having realised he was talking to us all this while :D :D

MOTHER

MOTHER

Mother, the most sacred Word
Is always blissful to be heard

She is best & precious of God's creations
Who sacrifices all her temptations

Her love is so pure & fair
False in them are never there

Anytime ready for her life to bid
As she always wants the best for her kid

The unconditional love she showers
Gives us all the success & powers

Kids are her greatest treasure
Her love being beyond measure

Being a Super-woman in home-field
With all her tired day's emotions sealed

Her kids bright-future being her only ambition
She teaches them good values & tradition

The living goddess is she
Always in a caring & helping spree

Giving her a helping hand is a blessing
Which helps us to be forever progressing

The pain she bears for her kid's protection
As we salute her for her foresight & perfection

She being our teacher in disguise
Forgives our words & actions which are unwise

The debts we owe her are beyond infinity
For her love and affection so full of divinity

Bereft of words I am to describer her role
As I thank God for giving us such a soul!!

**I LOVE YOU MAA**

Memories of July 2nd

It was the same day last year
As we stayed desperate to see each other
Though our souls were very near
You were miles away from me my dear

Two months of sleepless nights
With lonely battles having to fight!!
My eyes waited see the break of dawn light
As I prayed for your safe flight

As we four looked through heads
Me with a single red-rose held
Then appeared my man in a codroy brown clad
As his eyes searched for me with love,tears & glad

Lost for words and actions we were
While my dad gave you a hug like a bear
As our eyes couldn’t take off each others stare
It was a moment of treasure and rare

As I gave you the rose so fresh & delicate
Our cheeky smiles said today we date
While we headed towards the exit gate
You gifted me the purple elephant & I loved the trait

Least bothered of the jetlag you had
We roamed around the city like mad
Being happier than a newly grad
Funny we acted when we saw your dad

Today as we are happily & cheerfully wed
Our love & care for eachother is beyond said
As we thank God for the way he led
We pray to be angels of love spread!!